If the number of news reports on dicey parent-teacher and school board meetings are any indication, the education system has its hands full dealing with consumer negotiation. Even a Christian school may be affected by these adult behavioral issues—whether the school uses open or closed enrollment.

One high school English teacher who formerly taught at a large Christian school in the U.S. recounts parent-teacher meetings in which adult visitors on school grounds screamed at teachers and administration alike (without fear of consequence). She describes daily harassing e-mails, concluding, “I have many colleagues and friends from other schools who have had to deal with parents who obviously did not receive ample character training. It’s a big problem now, and it is amplified in the students. We cannot expect the child to be more mature than the parent.” After several years, this English teacher chose to pursue a different career, leaving the classroom behind, but Christian schools cannot afford to lose competent, qualified teachers like her.

The good news is that administrators, parents, and teachers can work together to create a healthy school environment, based on a common understanding of each role in relation to school policy. Also, many parents want to have a healthy relationship with their child’s school and are willing to invest their time and energy to give their child the best schooling experience possible.

But what should be done for the few that are disruptive, abusive, or difficult—especially when you know that problems tend to escalate throughout the school year? A quick look at the roles represented at school may help you navigate this complex question.

The Ordained Role of the Parent

 For the Christian, the family unit’s role in a child’s life comes first. God created a hierarchy of responsibility in which the child follows the parents, with the promise of God’s blessing in following this commandment (Eph. 6:1-3). God did not include a postscript to these verses, annulling the commandment in specialized cases (like parental unruliness). God’s law stands, and administrators should remember that their schools are only acting in loco parentis (in the place of a parent)—a condition which means that administrators and teachers must respect the parents’ rights to judge for their child.

 This respect does not, however, give parents permission to behave in any manner they’d like on school property or communicate in any way they want with school staff and faculty. They may be consumers at the school, but the policy is not “the customer is always right.”

The Preventative Role of School Policy

The Christian school board and administration should deal with visitor disturbances in a proactive manner rather than a reactive one by instituting a parent-guardian code of conduct.

In the public system, individual school boards do not have to be as vigilant in preparing their own codes of conduct for adult visitors because the individual states have placed such heavy penalties on disruptive parents. For example, Texas Education Code §37.123 defines abusive school guest behavior as a Class B misdemeanor. Simply a guest’s use of loud or profane language on school grounds, according to §37.124, is punishable by substantial fine and/or jail time.

Of course, private Christian schools are not under the purview of these state policies for public education. Instituting the private school’s parental code of conduct is valuable, however, because it would be the two-way agreement between the school and the parent that mutual respect and appreciation is to be a hallmark of a distinctly Christian education.

An important step in developing this policy is to hold an intensive series of meetings with the school board, administration, and an attorney to determine any gray areas in the steps of discipline to be taken with parents who are in violation of the code of conduct. If your responding administrator’s actions were to ever be brought before a judge, could you defend the behavior, exhibiting that you have done your due diligence in creating and enforcing the policy? As you develop a list of unacceptable parent behaviors, a list of administration responses to those behaviors, and a step-by-step remediation process, keep in mind that you live in a litigious society and consider how the policy would hold up in a court of law.

The last step is to finalize the parental code of conduct and insert the code into enrollment packets. By making clear that intimidating tone and text, raised voice, or threatening body language—whether directed toward faculty, staff, or students and their families—is unacceptable, the administrator asks parents to sign off on this policy while their children are signing the more familiar student code of conduct.

Because it’s human nature to want to be the exception to policy, boards and administrators may be in for a battle from time-to-time. But consistency is key where the goal is simple: create a policy that will make the hard decisions for you.

The Proactive Role of Administration

Administrators who do not want their teacher pipeline drying up should be proactive in protecting teachers from bad parent behavior. There are some immediate steps you can take—especially if your school already struggles with difficult parent behavior. Early in the process, the administrator must notify all teachers that you need each one to list the parents of currently enrolled children with whom faculty-parent meetings have gone badly in the past. (You will make every effort to be present the next time that this parent requests a teacher interview.) You may also want to hold a teacher in-service session, notifying faculty of the new hands-on administration approach toward those bullying faculty and staff. You’ll closely advise teachers on how to deal with aggressive calls, e-mails, notes, and face-to-face confrontations—drawing from the newly written process.

During this in-service session, you may want to introduce to faculty certain scenarios that could develop throughout the school year. For instance, after a bad encounter, the teacher should immediately submit a problem report to the school office. Administration must be notified and—if the problem is ongoing—intervene on the teacher’s behalf. After the altercation is over, you’ll meet with the teacher to determine preventative measures for dealing with the parent in the future. (This could involve your being notified whenever that parent enters the school.)

You’ll probably also want to invite the parent to a meeting (with the teacher present) after the first problem report. The parent needs to be given a chance to deescalate the situation—rendering any further school action unnecessary. (This meeting will also be a chance for the administrator to gauge teacher attitude as well—judging whether this is a true problem or a teacher-projected issue.) After the meeting, you would fill out a report, detailing whether the parent was apologetic and willing to work with the school, whether the situation appeared to be a misunderstanding between teacher and parent, or whether the parent immediately went on the defensive. Any further action would be detailed in the policy.

A final proactive step for administration is to train teachers. Consider having in-service meetings on topics like school policy, confidentiality, parent-teacher meeting protocols, parent-teacher communication channels, record keeping, communication skills, teacher boundaries for well-being, and especially conflict resolution.

The Positive Role of the Teacher 

Whenever you’re working with someone’s child, you’re operating close to the parent’s heartstrings and nerves. The Golden Rule of treating others’ children as you would want your own to be treated is a good start for building empathy. One of the ways that teachers can show empathy and respect for this parent-child relationship is to be very communicative with parents—and not just with the bad news.

Even small wins are a good reason for the teacher to call the parent. One veteran teacher reports having the goal to make three positive phone calls right after school each day (especially in the first weeks of the school year)—and soon, he has spoken with every one of his students’ families. This sets a positive tone, one which he proactively seeks to maintain as the school year goes by. The negative phone call will come, but because of this teacher’s proactive and positive phone calls, negativity won’t define every interaction.

One common example of a negative interaction that could escalate if not handled properly is as follows: the student has misbehaved, and the parent doesn’t believe the teacher’s report about the incident. Again, this situation will require empathy, professionalism, and an adherence to school policy. You should provide clear, specific examples of the behavior, ideally supported by documentation or the witness of another adult. After listening carefully to the parent’s perspective, you should emphasize that your goal is to support the student’s character formation and personal development—not to simply place blame. Offer to develop a plan with the parent to improve the behavior, and if the parent refuses, talk to your administrator about next steps.

The two biggest things for you to remember as a teacher are that you are not solely responsible to deal with difficult parents and that you should have the expectation to feel safe at work. As long as you operate within school policy and with the guidance of your administration, your main goals are to be knowledgeable about school policy, cooperate with your administrator, and do your part to help diffuse any situation as a peacemaker.

How to embrace your role as a peacemaker during conflict?

1. Be an active listener, letting a parent express any concerns uninterrupted. Some people feel better after “getting it out of their system” and will be less confrontational after they have felt heard.

2. Stay calm. Render not evil for evil, controlling your facial expression, your breathing, and your posture.

3. Be transparent about school policies and the reasons behind your decisions.

4. If you owe an apology, sincerely offer it and quickly summarize how you’ll go about a matter differently in the future.

5. If a situation escalates and you feel a loss of control, immediately get an adult witness while you wait for administration to arrive.

If the preventative policy, proactive administration, and the positive teacher work well together, with a well-integrated biblical perspective on the role of the parent, many unhappy situations can likely be deescalated before policy has been breached. The mutual goal of school and home should be creating a nurturing learning environment for every child—and how much more should this be characterized by Christian education.